great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
