Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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