Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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