u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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