Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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