Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
