Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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