Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
