After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
