So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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