You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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