Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Can you bring me the toilet please
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
