I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
