Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
