So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
