Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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