i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
