soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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