I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
