I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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