If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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