I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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