no, he came in my armpit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
