the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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