its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
