just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
