Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
