It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
