wat bout pragnant strippers??
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
