I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
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Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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