Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
