i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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