glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
