I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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