I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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