Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
