I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
