i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
