worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
