Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
