he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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