Swine flu. Run for my life!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just want to make out with him forever
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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