I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You smell like stripper and shame
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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