i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize