That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
