the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just had sex bonerless
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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