i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
