Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
