i think my tv is drunk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
