my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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