And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
