is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
