Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
