Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
