You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just high enough for therapy.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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