She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
