I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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