thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
