i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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