That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
