i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
