Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
