genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
