my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Randomize
