A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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