hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
