turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she peed on how many people?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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