i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize