I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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