he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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