Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
tell me about the eggs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
