I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
