He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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