Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
