Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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