my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You left your phone here
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