so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
