sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize