I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
