I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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