yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
