Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
