who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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