When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
