I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
