I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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