We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
