Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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